Виталий Е. Ермолин, студент холодных вод (seminarist) wrote,
Виталий Е. Ермолин, студент холодных вод

Как Нас Найти


В 19 веке в городе Буффало (штат Нью-Йорк) жил знаменитый врач, доктор Пирс. Посреди города стоял многоэтажный "Отель Инвалидов и Хирургический Институт" - больница доктора Пирса. Рядом был "Всемирный Диспансер" - фармацевтическое предприятие доктора Пирса. В каждой аптеке по всей Америке продавались лекарства доктора Пирса - Золотое Медицинское Открытие Доктора Пирса, Любимый Рецепт Доктора Пирса, Приятные Послабительные Пилюли Доктора Пирса... И в каждом американском доме на полке стояла Книга доктора Пирса: The Common Sense Medical Advisor in Plain English, or Medicine Simplified. К 1920 году вышло более шестидесяти изданий, и все стотысячными тиражами.

В то время, когда медицина в основном занималась острыми недугами и травмами, доктор Пирс и врачи Отеля Инвалидов и Хирургического Института специализировались на лечении хронических заболеваний. Лечили они их так, как удобно пациенту: хотите, приезжайте в Отель Инвалидов ("это не больница, а самый удобный в городе отель" - доктор Пирс), хотите, приходите на амбулаторный прием. Если и это не получится - присылайте описание ваших симптомов во Всемирный Диспансер, вам будут высланы предписания по лечению и лекарства, изготовленные под личным наблюдением доктора Пирса. Конечно же, никаких гарантий - гарантии может давать только шарлатан. Кроме того, прочитав книгу, всякий мог сам подобрать себе одно из знаменитых лекарств доктора Пирса и купить его в лучших аптеках города или выписать по почте.

В книге приведены многие сотни отзывов от благодарных пациентов (каждый из них аккуратно озаглавлен: случай номер 20842 или 64005). Диабет и астма, семятечение и порок сердца, водянка яичка и истерия - за всё брались доктор Пирс и его врачи. Благодаря такой стратегии доктор Пирс в самое короткое время превратился из простого выпускника Института Эклектической Медицины в миллионера, личного знакомого президента Гарфилда и даже служил два срока в Конгрессе.

На последний страницах Advisor'а, после газетных статей и тестимоний сенаторов и президентов, помещается инструкция для иногородних пациентов, приезжающих лечиться в Отель Инвалидов и Хирургический Институт. Прочтите до конца, она того стоит:

Who Sometimes Infest the Cars and Depots in and Near this City.
We warn all those who contemplate visiting us, that we have the most positive proofs that a gang of confidence men have at different times made it their business to watch for sick and infirm people on the way to our institutions, and divert them into the hands of "sharpers," confidence men and swindlers. These men have watched for the coming of invalids on the cars, in and around the depots, in the offices of the hotels located near the depots, and if inquiry was made for our institutions, or if the object of the visit to the city was made known or suspected from the invalid appearance of the traveler, they at once commenced weaving their skillfully-wrought web to catch a victim.

Advise all those Desiring to Visit Us,
FIRST.—To ask for no information from policemen, or those appearing to be policemen, in or about our depots. Confidence men often assume a style of dress similar to that worn by policemen.

SECOND.—Let the object of your visit to the city be known to no one whom you meet on the cars, or in the depots or near them.

THIRD.—If you have a check for baggage, when the baggage-man comes through the cars, as one does on every train before it reaches the city, asking if you will have your baggage delivered anywhere in the city, or, if you will have a carriage; if you have a trunk, give him the check for it, pay him 25 cents only and he will have it delivered at the INVALIDS' HOTEL AND SURGICAL INSTITUTE. 663 Main Street. (Do not forget the number). You had [pg 991]better, also, procure a ticket from this baggage-man, or agent, for a coupe or carriage to our place, for which you will have to pay only fifty cents. (Outside prices are higher.) This saves all trouble and anxiety, as the agent will look carefully after both yourself and baggage, and you are sure of reaching our place promptly and safely. If you have only hand-baggage, such as bundles, traveling-bags, or similar luggage, you can take it with you in the carriage without extra cost.

Mr. C.W. Miller, whose agents solicit on all the in-coming trains for the delivery of passengers and baggage, has an office in every passenger depot in this city, to which you can apply if, by any chance, you miss his agent on the train.

THE INVALIDS' HOTEL AND SURGICAL INSTITUTE IS OPEN DAY AND NIGHT, and you will be cordially received and well taken care of.

The table is provided with the best of food.

No hotel in the city has better rooms or beds than the Invalids' Hotel.

This institution is not a hospital, but a commodious and comfortable invalids' home.

If all we say of our institutions, and our advantages and facilities for the successful treatment of disease is not found, on your arrival and investigation, to be just as we have represented them, we will pay all the expenses of your trip and you can return home at once.

"A Word to the Wise,"
in the nature of advice, to those about to visit us, in conclusion, may not be out of place.

Keep your business to yourself while on the road here, also when about the depots, and ask no questions of ANYBODY.

Make no traveling acquaintances. They are dangerous.

Observe the foregoing directions, and any child of twelve years, possessed of ordinary intelligence, can reach our conspicuous place, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, N.Y., without fail.

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